


Whispering tears

by fanficfanxx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Angst, Crash Landing, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Hopeful Ending, Islands, Minor Character Death, Romance, Survival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-15 18:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8067409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficfanxx/pseuds/fanficfanxx
Summary: Lexa a veteran, who served in Afghanistan is involved in a plane crash and she seems to be one of the few who survived. Along with a girl called Clarke and several others. They try to survive the many dangers they encounter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like the start of this story :)

It al happened so sudden. One minute, Lexa was excited to go home, the next she was worried if she would survive. Knowing that it could be over, any second, didn’t scare Lexa. She had been through much worse.

Lexa was watching out the window when it happened. She saw a fire coming from the engine on the left wing of the plane. The plane started to shake, and she saw the terrified looks from all the people around her. One girl in particular, got Lexas attention. It was a blonde girl with sparkly blue eyes sitting on the other side of the aisle. The girl was extremely calm and held hands with a man next to her, trying to calm him down.

The Captain of the plane was on the speakers a few seconds later. Lexa couldn’t even forget his message if she wanted to: ‘’Thank you for chosing American-Airlines. Please put on your life-vests and follow the safety instructions from the crew. We won’t be able to make it to Sydney’’.

After that there was a total silence for a few seconds before all hell broke loose. People were screaming, trying to put on their life-vests, screaming at the crew. But one sound in particular made Lexa cring a little, it were little children, crying for help. But Lexa remained calm, francly she wasn’t scared to die. She knew her day would come someday. When she was sent on her first mission in Afghanistan, she was scared to death. But as days passed, so did her fear to die. Life wasn’t all black and white as people made it out to be, and she knew that.

The last things she remembered was being thrown around, and the oxygen masks that appeared from the ceiling of the plane. Lexa put on her mask as soon as she was able to reach it. After that Lexa turned to the little kid who was sitting next to her. It was a girl, not older than around 10 years old. She was crying in fear, and tried to wake up her mother, but couldn’t. Lexa helped her putting on her mask, before reaching for the kids mother. But Lexa was distracted by someone who cried out for help, it came from behind her and Lexa looked at the beautiful blonde.   
‘’Help..My seatbelt is jammed’’ she cried out.  
Lexa looked at the seatbelt and saw that the girl wasn’t able to reach her mask. So Lexa got up and jumped towards the girl, and put her mask on. Just in time before a loud bang was heard.

......

Lexa woke up with severe head injury. Lexa opened her eyes and looked around. Sand was everywhere. It looked like a beach. ‘’What the hell am I doing here?’’ Lexa asked confused.  
Lexa sat up, slowly. Something was hurting like hell but she didnn’t know where she was injured.   
‘’The plain crashed’’ Someone mumbled from Lexas right side.  
Lexa knew this voice. It somehow seemed familiar to her. And when she turned around she knew why. It was the same girl that she helped in the plain, lying in the sand, just a few inches away from her.   
Lexa got up slowly and crawls towards the girl, who looked badly injured.   
‘’You’re hurt pretty badly. Keep still’’ Lexa said calmy to the girl, who tried to get up.  
The girls showed a small laugh on her face. ‘’I’m pretty sure, I am not able to get up anway’’ she said softly.  
‘’Yeah I think your leg might be broken’’ Lexa said worried. She looked at the girls leg, and it looked bad. The leg was bleeding and was definitely broken on multiple places. Lexa wasn’t a medical expert but she had learnt a lot in the army. Her time there, made her the person who she was today.  
‘’Funny’’ The girl said ‘’Because I haven’t felt a thing from my leg’’ she said surprised.  
Lexa nodded ‘’Yeah. I figured. You trying to get up and all’’ she said teasingly.  
Lexas vision cleared up after a few minutes and she stared at the girls face. It was filled with burns, but still those blue eyes stand out. The girl didn’t look scared at all. She had this calmness around her, and this attracted Lexa somehow.

‘’Can you help me sit up?’’ the girl asked, bringing Lexa back to reality.  
Lexa nodded ‘’Sure’’ she said with a smile, before helping the girl sit up.   
‘’Thanks’’ the girl said. Lexa nodded and held her up, because of her unknown, the girl was unstable and could collapse on the ground any second.  
The girl studied Lexas face before talking ‘’You..You saved me’’ the girl said, grateful.  
‘’Really?’’ Lexa asked confused. Some of the moments in the plane were still blury to her.  
The girl nodded ‘’Yes. I am Clarke’’ she smiled.  
‘’Nice to meet you. I’m Lexa’’ Lexa said with a smile before turning to the girls leg again. Lexa studied the leg and looked up to the girl ‘’Well atleast, it’s not crushed’’ Lexa said relieved.  
‘’Good’’ Clarke said with a smile. ‘’You should help the others, I’ll be fine’’ Clarke said before gesturing to Lexa to help some other girl, who was stuck in her seat.  
Lexa nodded, and strumbled towards the other girl.

That’s when Lexa noticed the other people around her. There were around 5 other people around and about. They too, had severe burns covering their bodies. But there were two other people, who were badly injured, one of them was someone stuck in a planeseat. But nobody looked seriously injured, that they could die from it. A large piece of the plane was nearby. ‘’I guess we got lucky’’ Lexa thought in herself before turning to the girl.  
The girl looks terrified, but recognised Lexa and was relieved.  
‘’Stay still’’ Lexa said calmy.  
The girl nodded. Lexa turned around to look for a sharp object so she could cut the girls jammed seatbelt. When she found a sharp piece of metal Lexa turned to the girl and began to cut the seatbelt until the girl was free and lay down on the ground.  
Lexa stood up, lifted the girl up in her arms and strumbled towards Clarke. 

Clarke was still sitting on the ground when Lexa came back to her with a girl in her hands.  
‘’Thank you for helping her’’ Clarke said.  
Lexa nodded and looked at the girl. ‘’I am Lexa’’ she said to the little girl.  
The girls smiled ‘’I’m Gilly. Clarke is my sister’’ she said before pointing at the beautiful blonde.  
‘’I figured’’ Lexa said with a smile, before putting Gilly down next to Clarke.   
Gilly craddled up to Clarke and tried to hold back her tears before looking at her sister ‘’Mummy, didn’t make it, did she?’’ she said before not being able to hold her tears for any longer.  
‘’Your mother?’’ Lexa asked worried.  
Clarke nodded before hugging her little sister ‘’Yes..the woman you helped next to Gilly’’.  
Lexa gulped ‘’I haven’t seen her’’.  
‘’I know. Me neither’’ Clarke said worried, before flinching because of the pain.  
‘’You okay?’’ Lexa asked worried.  
Clarke shook her head. But gestured for Lexa to remain silent because of Gilly who had enough worries already.


	2. Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa helps Clarke with her leg. The two of them grow closer. Clarke finds out more about Lexas past.

All the people settled around the campfire that Lexa made when the evening hit. Clarke wasn’t able to move so Lexa build the campfire close to her. A guy sat down next to Clarke. It was the same, she was holding hands with before. He was a guy with black long hair, musclar build. He looked a bit suspicious at Lexa, but tried to focus on Clarke.  
‘’How are you feeling?’’ he asked Clarke.  
‘’I’m okay. Finn’’ Clarke said a bit annoyed, like she was trying to get rid of him.  
‘’But Princess, you look like shit’’ he said with a grin, before trying to pull Clarke closer. But she shoved him aside. ‘’Don’t touch me’’ she said angry.  
‘’Back off’’ Lexa said interrupting the two of them. ‘’Leave her alone’’ Lexa said.  
‘’Or else? Wanna fight me?’’ Finn said with a grin.  
Lexa looked down at her leg, and knew she would never win a fight in her condition so she shook her head ‘’no. None of us in the condition to fight right now’’ she said, walking towards Finn.  
‘’Fine’’ Finn said, before he turned around and sat down at the other side of the camp fire.

Lexa had been able to get some food from the plane. She had cooked some chunk of meat for Clarke and Gilly. Clarke was in bad shape, but Lexa didn’t want Gilly to worry.  
When the food was done, she walked to Clarke and handed the food over to her.  
‘’Here. It’s atleast something’’ Lexa said with a smile.  
‘’Thank you’’ Clarke mumbled. After that she put the food down on the sand. ‘’Lexa?’’ she asked.  
‘’Yeah?’’ Lexa asked worried. 

‘’My leg is hurting pretty bad..I didn’t want to say it earlier because of Gilly but she is with Finn as you can see so. Could you take a look at it?’’ Clarke asked, with the pain hearable in her voice.  
‘’I’m no doctor’’ Lexa said a bit ashamed. Clarke nodded ‘’I know. But you have some medical knowledge. It’s better than nothing’’ She explained.  
‘’Alright. Let’s get you away from here for a second’’ Lexa said before standing up.  
Lexa kneeled down and picked up Clarke in her arms and carried her towards the treeline of the beach, to get some privacy.  
Lexa put Clarke down against a palmtree. ‘’Okay, let’s take a look’’ she said with a smile whilst leaning down next to Clarke.  
Clarke nodded and rolled up her jeans, that was partly ripped and burned to her skin because of the crash. She flinched at the pain, but tried to hold herself together.  
Lexa looked worried at Clarke ‘’Take it easy’’ she said.  
‘’I’m trying’’ Clarke mumbled.  
The burned skin on Clarkes leg revealed a deep flesh wound, bleeding a lot. Lexa didn’t hesitate for a second and took off her jacket, and ripped of a part of her sleeve with the piece of sharp metal she had kept. She cut a piece of clothing that fit around Clarkes leg, to bandage the wound.  
‘’Give me a moment’’ Lexa said to Clarke before standing up and walking to Finn who was sitting at the campfire. He was drinking away a tiny bottle of Vodka, but Lexa grabbed it away from him before he could swallow it down. ‘’Thank you’’ Lexa said with a grin, before walking back to Clarke.

Lexa kneeled down to Clarke again, she wipped the edge of the bottle clean with her shirt and spread the vodka over the wound.  
‘’AAAUCH’’ Clarke screamed from the burning pain.  
Gilly heard her sister scream and ran towards her ‘’What is wrong?’’ she asked worried.  
Clarke shook her head ‘’nothing. Go to Finn’’ she said with a smile.  
‘’Alright’’ Gilly nodded and walked back to Finn.

‘’I’m sorry’’ Lexa said, feeling guilty about causing Clarkes pain.  
‘’Don’t be’’ Clarke mumbled.  
Lexa nodded before focusing on Clarkes leg again. The alchohol cleaned the wound enough for now. So Lexa bandaged the leg with the piece of clothing from her jacket and bound it tightly so she wouldn’t lose to much blood.  
‘’I still need to get you a splint’’ Lexa said to Clarke.  
‘’Why?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’For your leg. It’s broken on multiple places. You need to be able to move. Staying on the beach for to long is dangerous for all us’’ Lexa said with a serious tone in her voice before standing up and leaving Clarke behind.  
‘’Where are you going?’’ Clarke asked.  
‘’Into the forest. Getting you a splint’’ Lexa said with a smile, before dissapearing into the darkness.

Lexa gathered branches and pieces of wood all night long until she had enough to make a splint for Clarke. She arrived back at the beach the next morning. Everybody was asleep, to her surprise.  
Lexa sneeked towards Clarke. She poked Clarke ‘’Wake up’’ Lexa said softly.  
Clarke opened her eyes to see Lexa sitting next to her. Lexa looked dirty and tired. But somehow still fierce. ‘’It’s morning. You’ve been gone all night’’ Clarke stated.  
Lexa nodded ‘’Yes. But I’ve gathered enough wood and branches to make another campfire tonight, and I can make you a splint’’.  
‘’You really can do anything’’ Clarke said teasingly.  
‘’Well I’d like to think that’’ Lexa said smiling at Clarke.

Lexa grabbed her jacket and cut a few straight bandages from it. She grabbed three thick branches and put them around Clarkes leg. One at the back of her leg, and one on each side. After that, she grabbed the first piece of clothing and wrapped it tightly around the leg. She did that as well with the rest of the pieces until Clarke leg was covered.  
‘’All done for now’’ Lexa said with a smile. ‘’A primitive splint gets the job done, but your broken limb will never feel the same’’ Lexa said honest. She had experienced the same back in Afghanistan, when a grenate had tossed her through the air. Causing her to hit a rock, breaking her upper leg.  
‘’Thank you’’ Clarke said with a smile. ‘’Could you try and help me up?’’ she asked.  
‘’Of course’’ Lexa said.  
She kneeled down and gave Clarke a hand to stand up straight. Clarke graciously took Lexas hand and crawled back up, slowly.  
She leaned on Lexas shoulder but managed to stand up. She put some weight on her limb, causing a lot of pain, but she didn’t care.  
‘’You can let go’’ Clarke said.  
Lexa let Clarke go, but Clarke had underestimated the pain in her leg, causing her to almost fall down, but Lexa grabbed her just in time. ‘’I knew that would happen, so I brought you this’’ Lexa said pointing at a piece wood. ‘’You can use this to walk around. But don’t walk to much, your wound needs time to heal’’ Lexa said reassuring Clarke to listen to her.  
‘’Alright’’ Clarke nodded.

‘’You should get some rest for now’’ Lexa said worried. ‘’I’m gonna go hunt for food tonight. I’ll see you around’’ Lexa said before heading back to the forest.  
Lexa arrived about an half hour later, at a riverside she had found the night before. She noticed the fish streaming down the river. So she could get her and the rest atleast some food for today. The airplane food was already eaten by Finn and the others around the campfire. 

The evening hit when Lexa arrived back at the crash side. Lexa noticed Clarke and Gilly sitting down by the campfire along with Finn and the rest of the survivors. Lexa had some speared fish in her hand and strumbled back to the campfire to handout some of the fish she caught.  
She turned to Gilly first and gave Gilly some baked fish. ‘’Here. I know it’s not really tasty, but it’s food’’ Lexa said smiling at Gilly.  
‘’Thank you’’ the little girl before accepting the food and swallowing it away without chewing.  
‘’I guess you were hungry, huh?’’ Clarke said jokingly.  
Gilly nodded before eating another piece of fish. ‘’Yeah’’ she said with her mouth full of fish.  
Lexa sat down next to Clarke and Gilly. ‘’Here’s some for you too’’ she said, handing it to Clarke.  
‘’Thanks’’ Clarke said thankful.

After finishing diner, Lexa left the others behind and made herself comfortable near the treeline. Clarke noticed that Lexa was kind of a loner, but somehow knew exactly what to do. She had been wanting to talk to Lexa ever since she helped Clarke with her leg.

Clarke strumbled with her walking stick and her leg in the splint towards Lexa. Who had been watching her and Gilly all night long, making sure they were okay.

Clarke sat down next to Lexa, leaning with her back against the palmtree. ‘’Gilly is asleep’’ Clarke said relieved.  
Lexa nodded, but Clarke noticed that Lexa seemed distracted. ‘’How come, you know so much about everything?’’ Clarke asked wondering about Lexa. She wanted to know more about her story.  
‘’Sorry if that’s to personal’’ Clarke added.  
Lexa didn’t answer right away, but smiled at Clarke. ‘’No worries. It’s personal, but I guess we crossed that line already with crashing down here’’ she said jokingly.  
‘’Yeah guess so’’ Clarke said with a smile.  
‘’You asked how I know so much about surviving, huh? Well, I’m a veteran’’ Lexa said with a serious tone in her voice. She didn’t like her past, but she knew it was the truth about what happened to her.  
‘’Wow, thank you for serving our country’’ Clarke said grateful. ‘’How long were you in the army?’’ Clarke asked.  
‘’I served 3 years in Afghanistan’’.  
‘’Wow. That must’ve been so though’’ Clarke said, hoping that she didn’t cross the line.  
‘’Yeah. Some awful stuff happened back there that I just want to forget. I lost half of my division back there’’.  
‘’I’m so sorry’’ Clarke said, before grabbing Lexas hand to comfort her.  
‘’Thank you’’ Lexa said.  
‘’You can always tell me, anything if you want’’ Clarke said with a smile.  
‘’Thank you. It was my last mission when everything went to hell. It was around midnight when the enemies had crossed our lines and were preparing to attack us. My division was called to take them out, before they killed all our people. So my crew and I prepared before we went in. We were told that they were hiding in a bunker, about one mile away from us. So we went in, attacking with all we had. What they forgot to tell us is that guns weren’t the only things they had. I shot about 4 people, when one man came from behind and grabbed me in a sneak attack. He managed to get me down, he shot me through my chest, aiming for my heart. But he missed. That was when one of my people came to my aid. She shot the man down, causing him to fall on me, bleeding to death.  
But she was taken by surprise too, and got shot through her head. She died instantly. The man next to me, grabbed a granate from his side, and tossed it at my remaining crew that entered the building. I tried to warn them, but it was to late. The grenate went off, and they were blown up. Shattered into pieces. I had been able to craw a little to the back. Surviving the explosion, but because of the power I was tossed through the air, causing me to land on some rocks. That was when my leg got messed up. One other person from my division managed to get out alive, and came to help me. He put a splint around my leg and helped me back to camp. After that my time in the army came to its end. My leg recovered, but was never the same. The surgeons said that the pain would never go away, because of some damaged nerves. The gunshot in my chest, healed faster than my leg. And that pain faded quickly’’ Lexa explained, trying to hold herself together.  
‘’That is really rough. I’m so sorry that happened to you’’ Clarke said, feeling sorry for Lexa.  
‘’The person who saved you was important to you, wasn’t she?’’ Clarke asked.  
Lexa nodded. Not being able to hold her tears back any longer ‘’She was my girlfriend. Her name was Costia’’.  
‘’She would’ve been so proud of you’’ Clarke said with a smile.


	3. Pain that never dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The survivors deal with a sudden death among them. Lexa is reminded of her past in Afghanistan and tries to save the day as usual.  
> Warning: minor character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys forgive me for this chapter. I know it's a rough story.  
> Hope you guys stick with it anyway, because I promise that things will get better.  
> People who are triggered by characters death, please skip this chapter.

‘’Clarke, you should go to your sister’’ Lexa said reassuring.  
Clarke nodded. She stood up from where she sat and walked back to Finn and Gilly. But she turned around one more time, to face Lexa ‘’Stay positive. Keep fighting. Be brave. Stay ambitious. Stay focused and strong. Like you’ve always been because mentality is everything’’ Clarke said with a smile.  
Lexa smiled at Clarke and nodded ‘’Tell that to yourself. Soldier’’ Lexa said jokingly.  
Clarke laughed before turning back to Gilly. She sat down next to her little sister who was leaning against Finn. Gilly noticed Clarke and opened her eyes ‘’Clarke’’ she whispered.  
Clarke smiled at her little sister and pulled her in for hug. ‘’I’m scared’’ Gilly whispered softly.  
This made Clarke flinch. She saw the fear in her sisters eyes. ‘’It’s okay, little one’’ she said reassuring.  
‘’Get some sleep’’ Clarke said.  
Gilly nodded and crawled up against her sisters side. She leaned her head against Clarkes shoulder before closing her eyes.  
Clarke looked at Finn, who looked annoyed by her behavior. She knew that she hadn’t been fair to him. ‘’I’m sorry for earlier, Finn. It’s just that I’m in a lot of pain and I’m afraid that something will happen to me. Meaning that Gilly would have no one left’’ Clarke said honestly.  
Finn faced Clarke for a second, looking her straight in the eyes ‘’I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole’’ he admitted. ‘’I guess im a bit worried about that girl, Lexa’’ he said, feeling envious towards her.  
‘’Finn..You don’t have the right to feel that way anymore. You’re the one who broke up with me remember’’ Clarke pointed out. ‘’Besides. She helped me with my leg. I can walk because of her help. She is a really kind person if you just give her the chance’’ Clarke said.  
‘’You’ve made your point, Princess. I’ll back off’’ he said a bit annoyed by Clarke.  
‘’Let’s just focus on getting out of her alive. It’s been almost two days and no one has come to look for us’’ Clarke said worried.

Lexa listened to the conversation between Finn and Clarke from a distance. She felt relieved that Clarke backed her up. This made her feel like Clarke trusted her. But Lexa knew Clarke was right. Someone should’ve contacted them by now. Lexa sat back, leaning against a tree, trying to get some sleep. She looked at the other 6 people sitting around the campfire. But mainly focused on Clarke and Gilly, who were sitting on the right.

Gilly opened her eyes and turned to her sister. Clarke saw her little sister waking up.  
‘’What’s wrong, little one?’’ Clarke asked worried.  
‘’I’m scared..’’ Gilly said, crying softly. ‘’And I miss mum’’ she added.  
Lexa overheard the conversation and crawled back up until she was on her feet. She walked towards Clarke and Gilly and sat down next to her.  
Lexa motioned for Finn to move aside, so he did. She turned Gilly and smiled at the little girl.  
‘’Being scared is normal’’ Lexa said proudly. ‘’Wanna hear a story?’’ she asked.  
Gilly nodded carefully at Lexa ‘’Yes’’.  
‘’Alright. Sit back and relax. It’s about me being scared as well’’.  
‘’It was a sunny afternoon when me and the rest of my division went on a mission. There was a hostage situation. A few of our men were taken, by the enemy. We headed towards a little town in the middle of the desert. It was my first mission as a member of special forces. Me and Costia, a fellow soldier headed to the back of a building where the hostages were being held by some men. So Costia motioned for me to walk in, but I was to afraid at first. It wasn’t until she screamed for help I got over my fear and walked in not even thinking about surviving for a second. My point is Gilly, my devotion to my mission surpassed my fear. So can you, whatever is bothering you. You can tell your sister. You look like a great soldier to me’’ Lexa said winking at the little girl.  
The girl stared wide eyed at Lexa and somehow felt encouraged. She smiled and hugged Lexa unexpectly ‘’You’re the bravest’’ she whispered.  
Lexa smiled at the girl. She hoped that she calmed her down so she could get some sleep. But she never expected the girl to lean against her and fall asleep right between her and Clarke.  
Lexa took of her partly ripped jacket and tugged Gilly in. ‘’Sleep tight’’ she whispered.  
Clarke smiled at Lexa before falling asleep as well.

The night passed fast and even Lexa got some sleep. She was used to having little sleep. Back in Afghanistan, she slept around 4 hours a night.  
When the sun came up Clarke woke up. She looked scanned her surroundings and welcomed the morning sun. Clarke looked to her middle, where Gilly had been the night before. But she was gone. Clarke looked around and noticed some footprints leading towards the treeline. Until she saw Gilly lying down against a tree.  
‘’Gilly?!’’ Clarke screamed in fear. She got up and strumbled towards her little sister.  
Her sister didn’t move. Clarke fell down on the ground next to her sister and crawled towards her.  
She held her sister in her hands and noticed how white she was. Clarke didn’t understand what was going on. She noticed that Gilly opened her eyes and reached for Clarkes hand.  
‘’Cl..aar-ke-ee’’ Gilly said softly ‘’I’m..n-o..-t scar..ed anymore’’ the girl whispered. Gilly took one last breath before everything went black.  
Clarke held her sister in her arms ‘’No.No’’ Clarke cried out ‘’I can’t lose you. Not you..It was supposed to be me’’ while holding her sisters lifeless body in her arms.

Lexa woke up from Clarke screaming. She stood up as fast as she could and rushed towards Clarke and Gilly. She fell down on her knees next to Clarke. ‘’Oh my god’’ Lexa said way to loud.  
‘’PLEASE DO SOMETHING’’ Clarke cried out. While still holding her sister against her.  
‘’HELP HER. PLEASE’’ Clarke begged.  
Lexas face turned white before. ‘’Clarke..it’s to late’’ Lexa said with a sad voice. For the first time in forever she had to hold back her tears. Lexa looked into the lifeless eyes of Gilly, and closed her eyes.  
‘’SAVE HER. DON’T JUST SIT THERE’’ Clarke screamed out. Clearly losing it. ‘’LEXA DO SOMETHING’’.  
‘’Clarke..’’ Lexa said, trying to calm her down. ‘’Let me take a look at her, please’’ Lexa begged.  
Clarke nodded in tears and turned away from Lexa, before laying Gilly down in the sand.  
Lexa examined the little girl, she had just saved two days ago. She lifted her t-shirt up, and noticed that her stomach was bruised all over. ‘’Internal bleeding’’ Lexa whispered softly.  
She saw Clarke clearly in a lot of pain. So she didn’t want to make any of this worse.  
‘’Clarke..she had internal bleedings. There was nothing we could’ve done’’ Lexa said, holding herself together for Clarke.  
Clarke nodded, but didn’t answer directly. She crawled back to her sister, holding her again.  
‘’We need to bury her. She deserves that’’ Clarke said between her tears.  
Lexa nodded at Clarke. ‘’You say goodbye. I’ll go search for a peaceful place for her to be in peace’’ she said before heading into the forest.

Finn and the rest had gathered around Clarke in the meantime and were flabergasted by the sudden death of this little girl. They realised how serious this situation was.

 

.....

_‘’The sold_ _ier above all others pray for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepeest wounds and scars of war’’ the Luitenant said with a respectful tone in her voice._  
_Lexa strumbled onto the graveyard, carrying the coffin with her beloved girlfriend in it._  
_It had been exactly one month since Afghanistan. Lexa was sent back to America to recover from her injuries._  
_All the others she served with had already been burried. Lexa couldn’t attend these funerals because she had been out of it for atleast three weeks._  
_When she arrived with the coffin at the center of the graveyard. She put it down with her other friend, Lincoln._  
_He had been the one who saved her back in Afghanistan. He learned her how to make a splint, how to survive in the middle of no where. He was the reason she wasn’t scared anymore. He was like a brother to her. Little did she know, he would die only two months later on another mission. That was the reason why Lexa left the army, well that and her injured leg. Her leg would never fully recover and she would have to life with that the rest of her life._

_‘’Love is gone and my heart is a bird, that has lost direction mid-flight’’ Lexa said, holding herself together. ‘’Costia was exceptional, she never feared death once. When we were on her fatal mission, Costia saved my life. She once told me that I had to surround myself with people who move towards the sound of gunfire, because they wouldn’t dissapoint me when shit got real. I never realised she was talking about herself. She didn’t hesitate for a second to save me. And that’s why I loved her. Her fierce, heroism, without ever thinking about herself. So that’s what I want to give you. Never for a second think, her death was for nothing because I will honor her forever’’ Lexa spoke to all the people attending the funeral._  
_‘’May she rest in peace’’ Lexa added, before strumbling towards the coffin together with Lincoln. They put the American flag on the coffin._

_......_

 

Lexa reached the riverside and knew a perfect place for Gilly. She began to move aside some plants and collected rocks, so they could bury her there. Lexa headed back towards the beach as soon as she was done. When she arrived back, she saw Clarke and Finn sitting next to Gilly.  
Lexa walked towards them, but remained silent. Until Clarke noticed her and looked up ‘’I’m ready’’ she said, pulling herself together.  
Lexa nodded and kneeled down to pick up Gilly. Finn helped Clarke up and they followed Lexa towards the riverside until they reached the graveside.


	4. the stages of grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarkes goes through the seven stages of grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarkes deals with the grief of losing her sister. She goes through 4 of the seven stages.  
> About a months passes in this chapter.

……

‘’The seven stages of grief are undeniable. I think Clarke is going through them as well’’ Raven said to Finn.  
‘’Bullshit. What are those stages anyway?’’ Finn asked a bit annoyed. He didn’t buy any of this crap.  
‘’Uhumm’’ Lexa interrupted the conversation. ‘’It’s not bullshit, Finn’’ Lexa said with an irritated tone in her voice. ‘’Isn’t it obvious to you that Clarke is going through them?’’ she asked surprised.  
‘’Well, enlighten me’’ Finn said sarcastically.  
‘’Well, as Raven said. Clarke is going through the seven stages. The first stage is shock and denial. She reacted numb with desbelief at the loss her sister. She tried to denied the reality of the loss, to avoid pain. This provided proctection from being overwhelmed all at once. This lasted two weeks’’ Lexa said worried.  
‘’Sure’’ Finn scoffed at Lexa. Lexa hated Finn and thought he was such an asshole. She had to do her best not to hit him in the face, multiple times.  
‘’You’re seriously a jerk’’ Raven said angry. ‘’She is your ex-girlfriend. Show some respect’’ Raven scoffed.  
‘’What stage is Clarke in now, Lexa?’’ Raven asked worried.  
‘’Pain and guilt’’ Lexa said softly. 

…….

Stage 2: Pain and guilt: As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alchohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels choatic and scary during this phase.

Clarke sat down next to her sisters grave. Clarke had been trying to hold herself together the last few weeks. But she couldn’t. She felt guilty for her sisters death. All kind of scenarios had been running through her head. Like she could’ve saved her sister, if she sat in her seat instead.  
‘’I’m so sorry’’ Clarke cried out, her eyes filled with tears. 

Lexa arrived a few minutes later to find Clarke, sitting next to Gilly’s grave. Lexa saw Clarke suffer a lot the last weeks but she knew she couldn’t do anything about it. This was Clarke her pain and she needed the time to get through it all.  
‘’Clarke’’ Lexa said with a worried tone in her voice.  
Lexa sat down next to Clarke, who looked like she had seen a ghost. ‘’Clarke?’’ Lexa asked again.  
Clarke turned around to face Lexa for a second. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to. Lexa saw the tears streaming down her face.  
Lexa wipped away a teardrop from Clarkes cheek before pulling her in for a hug.  
Clarke accepted the hug and put her head on Lexas shoulder. She didn’t hold herself together any longer and cried outloud. Lexa just held Clarke as long as she needed some comfort.  
‘’It’s all my fault’’ Clarke mumbled between her tears.  
‘’If I didn’t push to go to Sydney. Everyone would’ve been alive..’’  
Lexa hate seeing Clarke like this. Clarke didn’t deserve any of this and Lexa knew that this was just the beginning. She had been through this herself too, when Costia died.  
‘’Clarke..’’ Lexa said softly, trying to reach Clarke.  
Clarke pulled away from the hug and looked a second in the eyes ‘’Yea?’’ she mumbled between her tears.  
‘’I know you think this is your fault. But it’s not’’ Lexa tried to convince her.  
Clarke shook her head ‘’It is my fault’’ she cried out.  
‘’I should’ve spent more time with her. I was never there for her. Always to busy with my own stuff, not realising this would be the end..’’

……

Stage 3: Anger and bargaining: Frustation gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning ‘’why me?’’ You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that bef or a way out of your despair.

It had been one month since the death of her sister. Clarke was just so frustrated. She felt like screaming again and again until her throat got bloody. She wanted to throw a fit. Or hit someone in the face. This was nothing like her, and she didn’t know what was going on. She wanted to lash out, but had no idea why.

‘’Don’t tell me what to do’’ Clarke said in anger to Finn. He tried to calm her down, but she didn’t want anything to do with him.  
‘’It was your choice to go to Sydney’’ she spat out in anger. Clarke bawled her fist at Finn and tried to take a swing at him. But Lexa jumped in between them.  
‘’Take it easy, Clarke’’ Lexa said with a calm tone in her voice, whilst taking a few steps towards Clarke.

‘’CALM?! You’ve got to be kidding me. Leave me the f*ck alone’’  
‘’You didn’t even help her when I asked you to’’ Clarke scoffed at Lexa.  
Lexa was clearly taken by surprise by Clarkes anger and took a few steps back. She looked down, trying to avoid the death stare that Clarke gave her. ‘’I’m sorry’’ Lexa said in an apologetic tone in her voice.  
‘’You’re sorry?! Well, tell that to my sister!’’ Clarke scoffed before turning around.  
‘’Clarke. We know you’re in pain but we’re just trying to figure out a way to help you’’ Raven added.  
‘’Help me?’’ Clarke scoffed. Nothing can bring her back. This is not fair’’.  
‘’None of this is fair’’ Bellamy Blake said.  
‘’You guys didn’t lose anything! I did! I lost my mother..my sister..’’ Clarke said with an angry face before leaving the others behind.

She dissapeared into the treeline and headed for the riverside. Her leg was still messed up but she didn’t care. Lexa replaced her bandage everyday and her wound had mostly healed, it was infected but Lexa managed to take care of that.  
About 30 minutes later Clarke arrived at her sisters grave and sat down nearby. Clarke felt so angry about everything. She had this rage bottled up inside of her that she didn’t know how to deal with.  
Of course she knew that blaming Finn or Lexa wasn’t the right thing to do.  
‘’It’s just not fair’’ Clarke said angry. 

Lexa paced as she tried to walk off her guilt. She had never seen Clarke so angry in the past few weeks they had known each other. Lexa knew this was part of the grief but she had no idea that Clarke blamed her so much. Lexa cared about Clarke a lot and never wanted her to go through this in the first place.  
Lexas thought got interrupted by Raven who started to talk to her ‘’You know that Clarke wasn’t fair to you, right?’’ Raven asked worried.  
The group had gotten closer in the last month they had spent on the island trying to survive together. Raven was a 25 year old mechanic who had been searching for the black box ever since the crash.  
Lexa nodded, but still felt unsure ‘’I know’’ she said with a slight hesitation.  
‘’Don’t doubt yourself’’ Raven said with a smile, stopping in Lexas track so she stopped pacing.  
‘’She’s just in so much pain. It’s horrible to see. I wish I could take it away from her. After I lost Costia I told myself that love was weakness and that it made me look weak. I went through the same stages and I recognize myself in her’’ Lexa explained.  
‘’I’m so sorry’’ Raven said sincerely.  
‘’Don’t be’’ Lexa said with a smile. ‘’It made me the person I am today’’.  
‘’Let’s just hope it turns out okay for Clarke as well’’ Lexa added.  
‘’I’m sure it will. She has you’’ Raven winked at Lexa.

……

One year ago..

‘’Sir I’m ready to get back to work’’ Lexa said to her boss. It had been one month since the funeral of her girlfriend but she didn’t want to think about it for a second. She was focused on recovering, and when she did she wanted to go back to Afghanistan, to go back to her remaining division. Lexa felt responsible for what happened with them.  
‘’You’re not ready, miss. Woods’’ The Luitenant said worried.  
‘’I am ready sir. I want to serve my country. My men are still out there. And everyday that I am here, they are there without me. So please send me back’’ Lexa said serious.  
The Luitenant hesitated for a second, but looked at the stoic woman in front of him. He knew that Lexa had always been a good soldier for the division.  
‘’Alright, we’re leaving tomorrow’’ he said. ‘’You may leave now’’.  
Lexa nodded and walked out of the office as fast as she could. She still strumbled a bit because of her bad leg. But she was in shape and she wasn’t about to give up her mission.

It was two months later when her division was sent out to help other troops with an attack in the east. Lexa and Lincoln had been reunited and it went well. Lexa was doing even better than before. Her leg was in a medical, adjusted splint just for her so she could move fast enough.  
The danger of the mission was there everyday, she faced death everyday but she never feared it.  
Survival, that was everything was about. She had no time to grief about Costia. She was to focused on the now. Everyday she fought for what she believed was right. 

Lincoln and Lexa arrived at the edge of a campside from the enemies. When they were taken by a surprise attack. ‘’BAM’’ one gunshot was heard when one of her man dropped on the ground. There was no one around, so Lexa turned around to see Lincoln, bleeding to death. She kneeled down next to him on the ground ‘’NO!!’’ She creamed out.  
‘’Don’t leave me’’ Lexa said, crying out for her best friend. ‘’Lincoln. Don’t you dare give up’’ she tried to get some reaction from her. But it was to late, he passed away right away.  
Lexa was found by some of her men a few minutes later and was taken back to camp by her men.  
This was her turning point and everything went to shit after that. Lexa didn’t follow orders and was fired a month later.

……

Stage 4: Depression, reflection and loneliness: just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be ‘’talked out of it’’ by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depressed you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness of despair.

Flashback...

‘’Gilly. Come her, you little one’’ Clarke said with a smile, before lifting her sister up.  
Gilly giggled at her sister. She always loved it when Clarke spent time with her. Today was her birthday and Clarke was going to take her to the zoo to see the animals.  
‘’Happy birthday, sweety’’ Clarke said, while placing a kiss on her sisters cheek. The girl smiled at her sister before hugging her.  
Clarke put her sister down. ‘’I have a present for you’’ she said, before giving a gift to her sister.  
Gilly took the present with a big smile on her face ‘’IT’S SO BIG!’’ She said surprised while laughing.  
‘’I know’’ Clarke said confident. She loved her little sister a lot and seeing her happy made Clarke happy as well.

Gilly unrapped the gift. She looked with big eyes at a fluffy teddy bear ‘’It’s pink! And so soft. I love it’’ she said with a smile.  
‘’Thank you!’’ she said before hugging Clarke.  
Clarke smiled at her sister ‘’Well, we should get going’’.  
Gilly nodded before putting down her teddy bear next to the rest of her presents. ‘’ZOO TIME!’’ She said with enthousiasm.

Present time...

Two months had past since the crash and they still weren’t rescued. The group had moved their campside into the woods. Lexa thought it was safer for all of them. They had built some kind of shelter for whenever it was raining. Lexa had been spending a lot of time with Raven and this other girl Octavia, who was the sister of the other guy Bellamy.  
Clarke had been distant from everyone and she knew it was not the best solution but she needed time for herself. She just didn’t feel like spending time around the others. The others were so focused on getting of the island, but she didn’t care.

Clarke realized that she would never see her sister again and that hit her everytime. She felt so empty lately. All of the memories came flooding back to her lately. She spent most of her days, away from the others. Clarke had found a waterfall, about an hour from camp. It was here place, where she could be alone. 

Finn had said to her that they would get of the island but that they needed her help. Clarke didn’t buy any of it and she didn’t want any kind of encouragement. Because even if they got of the island, her life would always bound to this place because of those who she had lost. 

Clarkes thoughts were interrupted by Lexa, who sat down next to her. ‘’It’s time to replace the bandages on your leg’’ she said with a smile.  
Clarke nodded at Lexa but didn’t say a word.  
Lexa cut the dirty bandages lose from the splint and tossed them aside. She examined Clarkes leg, before cleaning it with some water she had taken with her. ‘’The wound looks good’’ she said, while being focused on Clarkes leg.  
Clarke nodded ‘’Great’’ she said a bit distracted by her thoughts. She hadn’t even felt the pain in her leg is she was being honest. It was nothing compared to the pain of losing her loved ones.  
Lexa replaced the bandages around the practically healed wound before putting the splint back around Clarkes leg.  
‘’All done for now’’ she said with a smile.  
Clarke nodded, before looking up to see Lexas sincere worried look. ‘’Thank you’’ Clarke said.  
‘’No problem. I haven’t seen you around much lately. I figured you’d be here. I’m really worried about you’’ Lexa said with a honest tone in her voice.  
Lexa looked into the eyes of the blonde, once they were filled with that spark Lexa noticed the first time she saw Clarke, but now it was replaced with an emptiness mixed with sadness.  
‘’I just miss her’’ Clarke said, with a teardrop appearing on her cheek.  
‘’That’s normal, Clarke. I’ve given you the time to deal with this your way. You have the right to deal this on your own terms’’ Lexa said before reaching for Clarkes hand.  
But Clarke pulled her hand away and backed away from Lexa ‘’I just want to be alone’’ she said softly.  
Lexa nodded ‘’I understand’’ before standing up. ‘’I’ll see you later at camp’’ she said, turning around one more time before between the trees, leaving Clarke alone.

Clarke grabbed a pen and some paper she had found in the remainings from the plane from her bag.  
She started to write:

‘’My dearest sister,

Although you are now gone from arms reach, from my physical abilities to touch your sweetness, your warmth, your tender and loving face. I still can picture your beaty in my mind. Nothing can ever touch or remove my everlastings memories of you.

When we were little, growing up as we did, all we really had was each other. I never thanked you for taking my punishment when I threw my hairbrush into the toilet because I was angry at you. 

My fear is you died never knowing how much you were loved. I tried so hard to share my heart with you. In every letter I wrote, every message sent, and every phone call, I said, ‘’I love you’’. If only you could’ve felt my love, maybe then you wouldn’t have felt so alone. You have always been my little one, the person I loved so much. I just wish I could’ve protected you and mum, from all of this.

I miss you Gilly. I miss your laughter the most. I could pick your unique laugh out as soon as I walked through any door. You were always the first one to gilly, whenever something happened. You made everyone laugh around you. Your smile was so pure and innocent. That alone keeps me in stitches all day.

I miss your sweet voice, Gilly. I remember you always brabbling on and on about something I didn’t even know existed. You know for a ten year old, you were very clever. Whenever I was impatient about something, you told me to chill down. You never criticized me about what kind of sister I was to you. I’m so sorry for not being the sister you deserved. I just didn’t think I would lose you. I thought we would have more time to say all that needed to be said. To do the things, we should’ve done. Like going to that zoo again, you loved so much. I am sorry for not saying what I should’ve said sooner. So I will say it now. 

Gilly, I love you with every part of my being. You are my little sister, always have been and always will be. Nothing you could do could tear us apart. Not even this island. Not even death. Maybe I didn’t always understand you. But my love didn’t need to understand. It only needed you. That’s all I ever needed, Gilly. Just you..

It has been my honor to call you my little sister. I have been blessed to have you in my life, even if only for a blink of an eye.

Your big sister,

Clarke’’


	5. In the name of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa spent some time together.   
> Lexa might've figured out a way to get of the island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit more lighthearted because I thought you guys could use a break.  
> Hope you like this chapter.  
> Cheers!

Stage 5 the upward turn: As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your ‘’depression’’ begins to lift slightly.

Clarke had spent her night at her own place she created. She felt like she didn’t belong anymore. Lexa was the only one who tried to help Clarke get through everything.   
Clarke made a campfire and was about to go to sleep when she heard footsteps coming towards her. Clarke was always causious, so she grabbed the knife Lexa had made for her from scrap and held it close to her. Clarke turned around and was about to stick out the knife until she saw Lexa standing in front of her.  
‘’Oh, sorry’’ Clarke said embarrassed.   
Lexa smiled at Clarke ‘’No worries. I shouldn’t have come so late in the evening. I was worried so I thought I’d come check on your leg’’ Lexa said, trying to find an excuse to come see Clarke.  
‘’Yeah that would be great. I have the feeling that my leg is getting better. Walking goes a little bit easier now. I know it will never heal properly but it’s better than nothing’’ Clarke said.  
Lexa nodded at Clarke ‘’Don’t give up just yet. We can get rescued any second now’’ Lexa said with a grin on her face.  
Clarke looked up in surprise ‘’Rescued?’’ she asked surprised.  
Lexa nodded with a smile ‘’Yes. We think we found the location of the cockpit. I’m heading there tomorrow with Raven to go look for the blackbox so we can send out a distress signal’’ Lexa said proudly.  
‘’Just be careful’’ Clarke said worried.  
‘’I promise’’ Lexa said with a smile. ‘’Can I take a look at your leg?’’ Lexa asked before pointing at the splint.  
Clarke nodded and gestured for Lexa to sit down next to her ‘’Yes of course you can’’ Clarke said. When she was with Lexa she felt happy, even if it was just for a second.

Lexa sat down next to Clarke and focused on Clarkes leg. She stared at Clarke for a second ‘’Can I lend the knife for a second?’’ she asked.  
Clarke nodded and handed Lexa the knife.   
Lexa cut the bandages so the splint came of. After that she cut the bandages lose around the flesh wound, which was practically healed. ‘’It looks good’’ Lexa said relieved before letting out a big sigh.  
This surprised Clarke but she noticed that Lexa looked rather tired ‘’Are you okay?’’ Clarke asked.  
Lexa turned around to face the blonde for a second ‘’Yeah. Just a bit tired’’ Lexa admitted.  
‘’Oh okay’’ Clarke said with a short smile before her thoughts were somewhere else. 

Lexa looked back at the leg. She wanted to clean the wound with some water she brought with her. She grabbed a clean bandage and cleaned the wound. It was becoming a scar for most of it, but some places were still open. The burned skin was still there and it looked awful but Lexa knew that would never recover. She had burns herself as well after the plane crash. After Lexa was done with cleaning the wound she put new bandages around it again.   
‘’I need to replace the branches used in your splint. Luckily I brought 3 new ones with me’’.  
Lexa put three new branches around Clarkes leg, before finishing the splint again ‘’All done’’ Lexa said with a smile.  
She saw that Clarke was distracted so she wanted to leave her alone. Lexa stood up and was about to leave when Clarkes reached for her hand and stopped Lexa in her tracks. ‘’Wait’’ Clarke said softly.  
Lexa turned around to look Clarke in the eyes. Lexa saw hope in Clarkes eyes again and this had been the first time since the death of her sister.   
‘’Are you hungry?’’ Clarke asked, trying to stay cool.  
Lexa nodded ‘’Yeah. I haven’t eaten’’ Lexa admitted.  
‘’Than sit down. I caught some fish earlier this evening’’ Clarke said with a smile.

Lexa sat down next to Clarke again. Clarke handed her a piece of fish and they ate in silence.  
Until Lexa was done with her food and looked at Clarke ‘’You never told me what it is that you did for a living’’ Lexa said, hoping she didn’t go to far. Knowing Clarke had a difficult time.  
Clarke turned around and looked at Lexa ‘’Yea, I guess so. I was an artist’’ Clarke said proudly.  
‘’Wow, that’s amazing!’’ Lexa said enthousiastic.   
‘’Thank you’’ Clarke said blushing. ‘’You know my mother wanted me to go to Medical School, but it wasn’t what I wanted so I went to Art School instead. My mother blamed me for that for a long time. It wasn’t until a few months ago things between me and her started to change. When my dad left, my mother changed. She became this person who stopped living. And somehow, she was reminded of him everyday because of me. Gilly didn’t have the same father as me. We were half-sisters. My mother had this affair with some random high school teacher, Marcus Kane. My father found out and that was when he left. So my mother hated me for looking like him’’ Clarke said honestly.  
‘’That must’ve been so hard for you. Did you still see your father after he left?’’ Lexa asked.  
‘’Honestly, no. I left everything behind and moved to another town to get away from everything. But after a while I realised that I left my sister behind too, so I moved back. And I tried to be the sister I could be’’.

‘’You were a great sister Clarke’’ Lexa said trying to convince Clarke. ‘’I saw the way she looked at you. She loved you with all of her heart, Clarke. Don’t hesitate about that for a second’’ Lexa said.  
‘’I’m still doubting that’’ Clarke said, holding back her tears. ‘’I made so many mistakes, you know’’ she admitted.  
‘’Clarke. You are not the only one’’ Lexa said with honestly. ‘’Everybody makes mistakes. We have to forgive ourself, in order to move on. One day you will see that too. I’ve been where you are. I lost the girl and my best friend in Afghanistan. But after a long time I was finally ready to face the fact that I wasn’t the reason they died. Same for you. It’s not your fault, okay?’’ Lexa said, before pulling Clarke in for a hug.  
Clarke held herself together but embraced the hug anyway. ‘’Thank you’’ she whispered into Lexas ear.  
‘’Always’’ Lexa said with a smile before pulling away from the hug because she didn’t want to cross the line.

Clarke stared Lexa right in the eyes and without thinking she leaned in and kissed Lexa. Lexa was caught of guard by Clarke, but kissed back rightaway. Both of them got lost in the kiss for a second, feeling like it was just them. No plane crash, no death, no pain, just feelings.  
Clarke pulled away after a few seconds ‘’I’m sorry’’ she whispered, still leaning against Lexas forhead, noses touching. ‘’Don’t be’’ Lexa whispered before leaning in to kiss Clarke again.

Clarke and Lexa woke up the next day still in an embrace from the night before. Lexa looked to see Clarke lying next to her, looking peacefully at Lexa. ‘’Goodmorning’’ Lexa whispered softly before placing a kiss on Clarkes cheek.   
Clarke smiled at Lexa ‘’Goodmorning soldier’’ she said with a grin on her face, before kissing Lexa for a second.  
Lexa sat straight up and looked around, their clothes were shattered all around the place. Lying in the dirt. ‘’Well we will need to wash our clothes’’ she said with a loud laugh.  
‘’Totally worth it’’ Clarke said before pulling Lexa towards her, and kissed her.  
‘’Yeah’’ Lexa said with a grin before kissing Clarke back quickly, before sitting up again.  
‘’I need to go to the cockpit from the plane’’ Lexa said with a serious tone, before standing up to gather clothes. 

Clarke looked up and studied the features from the brunette, who was getting dressed. She noticed Lexas leg which was filled with scars and burns. She limped all the time with leg but somehow managed to get around pretty easy.  
When Lexa was dressed she gathered Clarkes clothes as well and handed them over to her.  
Clarke had a difficult time to get dressed with the splint around her leg so Lexa helped her. This made them both laugh. It wasn’t awkward at all anymore between them.   
‘’Thank you’’ Clarke said with a grin.   
‘’You’re welcome’’ Lexa said with a smile before handing Clarke over something to drink after she was dressed as well.

Lexa sat down and prepared some food before she would leave to head towards higher point on the Island. They had never gone so far before, well atleast Clarke hadn’t.   
Clark sat down next to Lexa. Lexa handed her over some food and she accepted it with a smile before chewing it like it was her last meal ever. This made Lexa smile for a second. Clarke noticed this and grinned at Lexa.  
‘’Lexa, can I ask you something?’’ Clarke asked.  
‘’Of course you can’’ Lexa said with a smile.  
‘’Your leg..’’ Clarke said a bit careful.  
‘’It’s okay’’ Lexa said reassuring.  
‘’What’s wrong with your leg exactly?’’ Clarke asked.  
‘’I told you about the incident in Afghanistan with the grenate right? Well, I broke my upper leg and Lincoln, my best friend put a splint around it. But I had to walk back to camp before it could be examined. Later they found out that some splinters of the grenate were in my leg near my nerves. So I needed to be operated, and my leg was infected badly. They wanted to amputate my leg, but I refused and I wanted them to save my leg. But they had to cut away a large chunk of skin, muscles and nerves. So I would always be in pain after that. It was my chose, and honestly I did regret it in the past but I can get around well nowadays. I’m used to the pain’’ Lexa said, explaining what choses she made in the past.  
‘’I understand. If I had to make the same decision I guess I would’ve kept my leg as well’’ Clarke said honestly.  
Lexa smiled at her ‘’Yeah. Anyway, I have to go before it get’s to late’’ She said with a hurry.  
‘’Alright’’ Clarke said a bit distracted.

Lexa stood up and walked towards Clarke and leaned in for a quick kiss before turning around to leave. But Clarke stood up and called after her ‘’Can I come with you?’’ Clarke asked.  
Lexa turned around and nodded at Clarke ‘’Of course. Are you sure though?’’ Lexa asked surprised.  
‘’I am sure’’ Clarke said before standing up. ‘’Let’s go’’ She said with a smile.


	6. May we meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa head towards Higher Ground. They encounter something dangerous and are in a near death situation.  
> Warning: Someone dies. But it's not Clarke or Lexa.

Stage 6 Reconstructionand working through: as you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical problems, reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

Clarke and Lexa walked through the woods heading towards higher ground. Lexa and Raven had decided to check it out after Bellamy had failed to tell them he had seen a fire there just after the crash, meaning there could be other survivors as well.  
Clarke was focused on Lexa who seemed to be walking pretty quick even though she has an injured leg. Clarke strumbled a lot slower behind Lexa, she was in pain but wanted to come with her. She knew she had been distant until the night before. The night meant a lot to her but she wanted to get it of her mind.

Clarke was so focused on her thoughts that she didn’t see a branch sticking out of the ground that made her trip, causing her to fall on the ground on her face. Lexa turned around to see Clarke fall and ran towards her as fast as she could.  
Clarke mumbled something to herself but Lexa couldn’t hear what she was saying.  
‘’Are you okay?!’’ Lexa asked worried, helping Clarke sit up.  
Clarke nodded ‘’Yeah, my face hurts a bit though’’.  
‘’Let me take a look at it’’ Lexa said with a smile.  
Clarke nodded and let Lexa take a look at her face. Lexa carefully caressed Clarkes forhead and looked at a cut just above her left eyebrow. ‘’It’s bleeding. Let me just clean it for you’’ Lexa said before grabbing a bottle of water and a rag from her bag. Lexa made the rag wet and cleaned the wound.  
Clarke flinched for a second but didn’t mind about what Lexa did.  
‘’All done’’ Lexa said with a smile, still sitting in front of the blonde.  
‘’Thank you. But you didn’t have to do that, my face was messed up anyway by the burns’’ Clarke said a bit ashamed.  
Lexa shook her head ‘’Are you kidding me?’’ she asked. ‘’Your beautiful’’ Lexa said softly before leaning in for a quick kiss.  
Clarke pulled away after a few seconds and stood up ‘’we should get going’’ she said.  
Lexa nodded and walked next to Clarke. 

They reached a path leading to higher grounds about 1 hour later. Lexa scanned her surroundings and pulled her knife out when she heard something behind her. She looked at the bushes to the left and heard a branch crack.  
‘’Get down’’ Lexa ordered to Clarke carefully.  
Clarke looked confused and was about to go down, but something was faster, or rather someone. It was Finn, who looked way to angry.  
Finn caught Clarke of guard and pushed her to the ground ‘’Stay down’’ he growled. Before putting a knife into Clarkes leg causing her not being able to stand up.  
Finn came charging at Lexa with full speed, causing Lexa to tremble backwards, falling on the ground.  
Finn tossed the knife out of Lexas hand and held his hand to her throat. Lexa wasn’t able to breath. She tried to get him of her, but he seemed stronger than he normally was.  
Lexa almost choked but was saved just a few seconds before blacking out.

Finn fell on Lexa. Something made him pass out. Lexa saw blood dripping on her clothes from his head wound. But she pushed him of her and sat up, looking up when she noticed Clarke with a red colored knife in her hands. 

Clarke looked relieved when she saw those green eyes staring at her. Clarke strumbled to Lexa and pulled her in for a quick hug ‘’thank god. You’re okay’’ she said relieved.  
Lexa smiled at her ‘’Thank you’’ she whispered.

Lexa and Clarke decided to make camp after the whole incident. They had taken Finn as well, not knowing what to do with him. It wasn’t until a few hours later when he woke up.  
He opened his eyes and looked around. He looked at peace until he saw Lexa. Something made him angry and he growled ‘’You! It’s all your fault’’ he growled at Lexa.  
Lexa turned her face to look at him ‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’ Lexa asked confused.  
‘’You sabotaged the plane!’’ he growled, before turning to Clarke ‘’Don’t you see it Clarke. She’s the one who took the plane down’’ he yelled almost desperately.  
Lexa chuckled at Finn ‘’Yeah right’’ she said.

Clarke looked with a serious look at Lexa before crawling towards Finn. She cupped his face for a second, looking in his eyes. ‘’Tell me what you mean, Finn’’ Clarke said softly.  
Finn nodded ‘’Not with her around’’ he said angry, pointing at Lexa.  
Clarke turned around to look at Lexa ‘’You should go’’ she said coldy.  
Lexa stood up ‘’Are you serious?’’ she asked surprised.  
Clarke nodded ‘’Yeah. Go’’ she said ice cold before turning back to Finn.  
Lexa couldn’t believe what just happened and she scoffed at Clarke in disbelieve ‘’Fine.’’

Lexa grabbed her stuff and she turned around to face Clarke one more time. She didn’t like how Finn was behaving but she decided to listen to Clarke and leave them behind. Lexa made way to the higher ground.

‘’She’s gone now. Tell me what you’re talking about’’ Clarke said worried still holding Finns face.  
‘’She’s the one who took the plane down!’’ Finn said looking confused, not knowing what he was saying.  
‘’You’re not making any sense. What are you talking about?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’I don’t know. They made me!’’ Finn screamed out. ‘’Please, end it’’ he begged Clarke.  
‘’Finn?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’Clarke..please..end it’’ he now begged, crying.  
‘’I’ve never seen you like this. What’s going on?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
Finn didn’t say a word but lifted his shirt up, revealing torture wounds all over his chest and stomach.  
‘’She’s one of them’’ he said before falling backwards.  
‘’One of who?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’I’m so sorry for everything..’’ Finn said interrupting. Clarke looked confused and saw how hurt Finn was ‘’It’s okay’’ she said ‘’stay still. It’s going to be okay’’ she whispered, still holding his face.

‘’He’s not’’ Lexa said from behind.  
Clarke turned around for a second to see Lexa standing behind her. ‘’What the f*ck is going on?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’He ate this’’ Lexa said while showing some poisionous berries she was holding in her hand.  
‘’What’s that?’’  
‘’It are Polis Berries. They are poisinous for humans. I found them at his campside from last night, just a mile from her. It causes people to hallucinate, to go crazy. That’s why he attacked us’’ Lexa said with a serious tone in her voice.  
Clarke looked at Lexa feeling guilty for behaving like that but she had to focus on Finn for now ‘’is there anything we can do for him?’’ she asked worried.  
‘’Yes. Killing him’’ Lexa said a bit to honest.  
Clarke shook her head ‘’No. There has to be another way!’’ she said in disbelieve.  
‘’There isn’t. You should go, I’ll do it’’ Lexa said before walking towards Clarke and Finn.  
‘’Get back!’’ Finn screamed out in fear for Lexa. ‘’You monster!’’ he screamed out.  
Clarke turned around and cupped his face calming him down ‘’Finn. It’s okay. I’m here’’ she said.  
He looked Clarke in the eyes and calmed down for a second.

Clarke turned around to face Lexa ‘’No. I’ll do it. I loved him once so I’ll do it.’’  
Lexa nodded at Clarke before handing her over the knife to end his life. ‘’I’ll be over there’’ Lexa said while pointing at the campfire just a few hundred metres away.

Clarke took the knife from Lexa before turning back to face Finn. Finn looked at Clarke, his eyes filled with regret from everything he had done.  
‘’Clarke..?’’ Finn mumbled.  
‘’Yes. I’m here. Stay still’’ Clarke whispered.  
‘’You just have to hear this, even if it’s too late. I want you to know that I’m sorry for not being the man you deserved. I’m sorry for everything..Please forgive me’’ Finn begged, knowing what was going on.  
‘’I forgive you’’ Clarke said before pulling him in for a hug. ‘’I forgive you’’ she repeated. She had tears in her eyes.  
‘’I love you, Princess…’’ he mumbled between his last breaths.  
Clarke grabbed the knife from behind her back and aimed for his heart, making the suffering stop.  
Finns body stopped shaking and he was gone within a few seconds. Blood flooded from his chest, coloring his t-shirt red. Coloring the knife as well.  
‘’May we meet again’’ Clarke said in tears looking at her dead ex-boyfriend.

Clarke stood up, pulling herself together before sitting down next to Lexa. She knew she had been wrong to Lexa. ‘’I’m sorry for a while ago’’ Clarke said with a honest tone in her voice.  
‘’Don’t be. It made me realise something’’ Lexa said.  
‘’What’s that?’’ Clarke asked confused.  
‘’We need to get the hell of this island. It’s changing all of us. We can’t survive if we stay here’’ Lexa pointed out.  
‘’Your right. We need to get that black box. Well you should, I can barely walk’’ Clarke said before letting out a chuckle.  
‘’Don’t worry about that’’ Lexa said, before grabbing something from behind her. Showing Clarke the black box.  
‘’You got it?’’ Clarke asked relieved.  
Lexa nodded ‘’Yeah. I found the cockpit. There’s lots of supplies over there as well’’ Lexa said.  
‘’What would we do without you?!’’ Clarke said before leaning in for a quick kiss.  
Lexa kissed her back. But pulled away after a few seconds. ‘’I’ll bury Finn’’ Lexa said before looking at the lifeless body.  
‘’Thank you’’ Clarke whispered.  
‘’No problem. Stay here’’ Lexa said before pulling Clarke in for another kiss before heading to the graveside to bury Finn.


	7. The radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven manages to get a radio to work to ask for help. Clarke and Lexa spent a lot of time together.

‘’I found it’’ Lexa said with a smile before walking over to the campside along with Clarke.  
Raven smiled at the arriving of Clarke and Lexa but looked confused when she didn’t see Finn with them ‘’Where’s Finn?’’ Raven asked surprised.  
Clarke looked at Raven for a second before looking at the ground ‘’Raven..’’ Clarke started to talk. ‘’Finn is gone..’’ Clarke added before looking back at Lexa who looked worried.  
Raven shook her head ‘’No way..’’ she said in disbelieve. ‘’What happened?’’ Raven asked, in a sad tone. Clarke knew Raven and Finn grew closer over the time they were on the Island.  
Clarke didn’t answer Raven and looked at Lexa, begging for her to tell her.

Lexa guided Clarke back to the campfire before she started talking ‘’I killed him’’ Lexa said before grabbing something from her back.  
Raven stood up and couldn’t believe Lexa ‘’You just killed him!?’’ she spat out in anger.  
‘’Raven’’ Clarke said softly. ‘’He ate berries, that would’ve killed him..’’  
‘’Shit..’’ Raven said worried.  
‘’Raven. I need your help. I found the blackbox’’ Lexa said interrupting the conversation.  
‘’Seriously? Oh my god! Give it to me right away!’’ Raven said before taking the blackbox from Lexa to fix it.

……

It was the next morning when Clarke woke up before the rest. She looked around the campside but didn’t see Lexa anywhere. She wondered how Lexa was such a bad ass, who took care of everyone without even hesitating for a second. Clarke knew she would sacrifice herself without thinking about it for a second. 

Clarke stood up and grabbed the wooden stick. She followed footsteps that she saw on the sand that leaded to the treeline when she saw Lexa sitting alone against a palmtree.  
Clarke strumbled towards Lexa and sat down next to her.  
‘’Goodmorning’’ Clarke said with a smile.  
Lexa opened her eyes and smiled at Clarke ‘’Morning’’ Lexa said while gazing at those ridicilous beautiful blue eyes.  
‘’What were you thinking about?’’ Clarke asked worried.  
Lexa looked down at her leg before smiling at Clarke ‘’Home’’ Lexa said with a longing voice.  
‘’What’s home for you?’’ Clarke asked curious.  
‘’That’s a tricky question. I don’t know where I belong. I’ve never stayed anywhere for a long time. When my parents died I never looked back and left my hometown as fast as I could. Yet, nowhere seemed right, so I joined the army to fight for peace’’ Lexa said.  
‘’I’m so sorry to hear that about your parents’’ Clarke said softly, caressing Lexas cheek.  
‘’It’s okay. You are not the only one who lost a sibling as well. I lost my little brother in that same car accident. He was only 8 years old when it happened. After that I spent so much time hating the one who did it that I forgot to live my life. That’s why I wanted to help you, Clarke. I didn’t want you to go through this on your own because I knew how that felt’’ Lexa admitted.  
Clarke looked with a worry in her eyes at Lexa before leaning in for a quick kiss. ‘’Thank you’’ she whispered after that.  
Lexa smiled before kissing Clarke back.

……

Lexa spent most of her day getting food for everyone. But she was interrupted by Raven.  
‘’LEXA, CLARKE! COME QUICK!’’ Raven yelled at them.  
Lexa helped Clarke up before they went to her. They arrived pretty quickly when they saw Raven holding some kind of radio.  
‘’What’s that?’’ Clarke asked.  
‘’This is going to save us’’ Raven said with a smile before pressing the button.  
She tried to find the right channel before she tried to contact someone, it didn’t matter who.  
‘’Anyone there?’’ Raven asked through the radio.  
The line went silent for a second before there was a response through the line.  
‘’Yes. Who’s that?’’ Some woman asked through the channel. The sound wasn’t that great but they managed to understand her.  
‘’Raven. Over’’ she said before waiting for another response.  
‘’This is Samantha James. Coast guard. Over’’.  
Clarke looked up and pulled Raven in for a big hug ‘’You did it’’ Clarke said with the biggest smile on her face.  
Raven smiled knowing they were going to get of the island. ‘’Apparently, I did’’ she said surprised before handing the radio over to Lexa. ‘’You’re the smart one here’’ Raven admitted.

Lexa grinned at Raven before pressing the button of the radio ‘’Samantha. This is Lexa Woods. Our plane crashed. We need help right away. We’re somewhere between New Zealand and Australie on an Island. Over’’.  
The line was silent before another response was heard ‘’You survived?’’ The woman asked surprised through the radio. ‘’This was all over the news. We all thought there were no survivors because there hadn’t been any signal for over a months. How many are there? I’ll send a rescue party as fast as I can’’ Samantha said.  
Lexa grabbed the radio and pressed the button to answer ‘’There are a few survivors, Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin, Bellamy and Octavia Blake and there’s this kid Monty as well. And me of course..’’ Lexa wanted to say another thing but the line was disconnected before Samantha could respond to them.  
‘’Damn it!’’ Lexa said in anger before throwing the radio away.  
‘’Easy! That took me a lot of time’’ Raven said worried.  
‘’Do you think they will found us?’’ Clarke asked worried.  
‘’I hope so..’’ Lexa said holding back her anger.

……

Two days passed and there had been no sign of a rescue party yet. The group lost hope everyday but tried to survive anyway. Clarke herself had been a bit distant and Lexa noticed this.  
Lexa sat down next to Clarke ‘’Are you okay?’’ she asked.  
‘’Yeah. My leg just hurts a bit’’ Clarke said worried.  
Lexa looked surprised ‘’Let me take a look at it’’ she said before grabbing her own made knife to cut the bandages lose so the splint would come of.  
Lexa took the branches away as well so she could check out Clarkes leg. After the splint was of, she cut the remaining bandages lose as well. Lexa examined the look but was worried right away when she saw the infected part of Clarkes leg.  
Clarke looked at her leg as well and saw the infection ‘’This is bad, isn’t it?’’ Clarke asked worried.  
Lexa didn’t know how to answer so she just nodded. She gulped away her worries before masking her worry. She looked at Clarke and saw the fear in Clarkes eyes ‘’You need help, fast. You could use your leg if you don’t get any medical attention within the next few days’’ she said worried.


End file.
